STACY PHILLIPS: OK, Good morning, everyone. Thank you again for being here for our Families First session today. My name is Stacy Phillips, project coordinator for educational leadership development here at Temple University. Families First is a Philadelphia interagency Coordinating Council activity. It is funded by the Department of-- Philadelphia's Department of Behavioral Health and Intellectual Disability Services, and Elwyn Early Learning Services. 

Today's session is entitled Social Connections, Building Strong Relationships and Support Systems. That is presented by Icylee Basketbill. And we are just so happy to have her here. Icylee spends a lot of time facilitating various workshops, parent support groups, parent trainings. She's been a long-time facilitator for Families First as well. 

She is also lead program facilitator of PASHI, which is Philadelphia Area Sexual Health Initiative at Public Health Management Corporation, PHMC. And we are just thrilled to have her here today. Thank you so much. I'm going to turn it over to you, Icylee. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Thank you, Stacy. Good morning, everyone. Good morning. My name is Icylee L Basketbill. I use she/her pronouns. And I am-- I wear many hats. But today, I'm your facilitator/parent. 

I want you guys to do me a favor. This is going to be interactive because it's not going to be me talking the whole time. So I hope that you guys have had your coffee, got you something to eat, and just ready to just engage in a wonderful topic that's really close to my heart. So if you can do me a favor and put in the chat what your role is, because I know that there's many folks through various roles that you play. Just want to know who's in the building, that's all. 

All right, so as Stacy had mentioned, I wear many hats. I'm a lead facilitator for PASHI, which is my main job. And I'm really blessed to be in this position to be able to educate folks about their sexual and reproductive health, specifically to share, very proud, that I had advocated to add autism IDD to the current grant that we have with the Department of Health around HIV and pregnancy prevention, our PrEP program. 

I said, wait a minute, this curriculum that we're having that we're doing right now, this is focused on neurotypical students, young adults from 14 to 22. And I said, what about our babies that have unique minds? They need to be safe. And once they heard my lived experience of having a young adult on the autism spectrum, they really started to really listen and understand that it was a need. 

So we had the curriculum-- we had permission to have things changed, had adaptations done, more visual, sequencing, our loved-- around consent. So just really proud to say currently I had just completed a cohort at Fairwold Academy Center for Autism. Man, a little bit of here and there, Mastery Gratz teaching our loved ones if any decision they make with any risky behavior can impede in their academic, their personal life, and their goals. So just wanted to share that. So who do we have in the building, Stace? Are we able to see? Are you able to share? 

STACY PHILLIPS: Yeah, we have a lot of parents, grandparents. We have professionals. We have other family educators, community involvement program facilitators. Lots of moms, grandmoms. Yeah, I think it's a really nice balance between parent and professional. And similar to Icylee, I wear both those hats as well. I know many people on this call right now also wear many hats, being professional and parent. So thank you all for being here. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Thank you, Stacy. Again, thank you for sharing who you are. And so what drove me to this work? I fell in love with the journey when my daughter got diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, way couple years back. My goodness, 2008, I believe? 

So my girl Jen is going to confirm for me. So during the journey, I ended up really finding ways to be able to educate myself. So I can educate others about my daughter's diagnosis. And one thing that really, really stuck out to me is social connections. 

You can't do it by yourself. There's no way in the world that you can do anything by yourself. It involves so many different aspects of your life, just in society, using all the different emotions and just trust, all those different things to be able to have a support system. So let's get started. 

All right, so I want to do an icebreaker really, really fast. And this is called the inner compass. And so with the inner compass, in this case, I want you guys to think about some things that you want for your light. And what you want for your light is in the north part of your compass. 

Then I want you to identify things-- or something that you don't want for your life. So what you don't want for your light is in the south part of the compass. And the reason why I want you to think about that is because as knowing you guys in the room just wearing many hats, professional, parent, whatever your role is, at the end of the day, we really, really have to tighten up and identify what's important. 

And we know with the temperature of today, we know that things are not guaranteed. And when in the time of need comes, who are we going to lean on? And so I will get started. So with me, I think of in regards to what I want, I want to be healthy. 

Back in 2014, I had experienced a heart attack, actually, where I was-- I drove myself to the hospital. And my daughter, at least I taught her routine and structure, with our unique mind babies, she was able to pack herself something to eat, put some books in there. And I said, we're going to the hospital. Mommy has to go. We got to go. 

And just really proud of that moment because it's like, just following the routine and everything I taught her, and she struggles with expressive language. She has challenges with that. And so I say healthy, I want my health for my life. 

And what I don't want is to be isolated, alone. So I just would like to hear some of you guys, if you want to share and come off mute, put in chat. What is one thing that you want in your life? And what's something that you don't want? 

STACY PHILLIPS: In the chat, we have from Sunny, want community and don't want isolation either. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Thank you for sharing that. You want community. Yes, thank you. 

STACY PHILLIPS: From Maya, calm and peace. And don't want isolation. I think that's interesting that that's already come up a couple times. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Yes, we've gotta do some data analysis here. About the numbers. But yes, anybody else would like to share? Thank you, Maya. And I love you, girl. 

STACY PHILLIPS: Carmen said I want peace in my life. Christina said healthy relationships and they don't want chaos. That's good. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Honey, it feels like a whole tornado right now. So we're not going to go there. 

STACY PHILLIPS: We have meaningful and healthy life. That's good, I like that. Family connections. Don't want poor health. I want to stay healthy from Jen. And don't want to struggle for my fam-- don't want my family to struggle. 

What else? Adrian, a release from fear. That's really. That's pretty strong. That's intense, yeah. Courtney said I want peace and growth and don't want fear and anxiety. I'm right there with you, Courtney. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: I think this is definitely an ongoing theme for a lot of us. And even if it might be something that's in the past that we've experienced and maybe we have overcame it, and maybe experienced that with seeing our loved ones. 

It's important for us to really think about it because we have so many different things that we need done, that we want done, that life just doesn't have the time for. And so it's really important for you guys to prioritize on what your wants are and what your needs are versus what you don't want. Because we're always talking about what we want. 

And it's so ironic, when we talk about our kids, we may have a habit of saying, this is what's wrong with my child. Or you're talking about the behavior, which is behavior is communication. You that, Stacy. 

And so I really want to try to help. And I'm working on myself to change our mind frame when it comes-- and our mindset of being able to talk these things in existence. All right, so thank you for sharing that. 

So what do you stand for? What do you guys believe in? What's important to you? What are your values? And so if folks may not know, because over time early in my life, I didn't realize, OK, these things are called values. I know what I'm doing certain things, but there's a name to it. 

So for those that may need to see it broken down, values are a person's principles or standards of behavior. One's judgment of what's important in life. The way that we see ourselves and the things that we deem important help to guide our behaviors. 

So some of the examples of values are fairness, honesty, love, knowledge, education, and integrity, family, and independence. So I had you guys do that icebreaker because talking about what you want and what you don't want, let's identify what some of those values are. 

So if you were to share-- I'm going to share five values. So think of five values. And you guys don't have to put-- or you can come off mute if you want to share. But my five values is time, honesty, relationships, love, and transparency. So those are my five values. 

So I want you guys to just probably put in chat what your five values are, or just think about it in your head. If you want to come off mute and share, that's fine. And listen, sometimes, the values that are learned or you grew up with may not end up being the values in your current life. 

And it could change from day to day, all depending on your experience of what you want and what you don't want. So if you're involved in a situation that you don't want to be in, then you got to look at, OK, I got to change these values up, or the people that's around me, for example. Are there any of the five values in the chat? 

STACY PHILLIPS: Yes. We have growth, empathy, resilience, authenticity, and connection. I love that. Jen wrote I stand for equality, love, peace, lifelong learning, and the Golden rule. Nice. I like those. I think that resonate with all of these. These are so good. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Aren't they good? 

STACY PHILLIPS: J wrote honesty. I love that. Love, honesty, integrity, lifelong learning. A lot of lifelong learners here. Fantastic, me too. Family, time, sleep, respect, and boundaries. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Gotta talk about that sleep hygiene. 

STACY PHILLIPS: Boundaries are so important. It really protects your peace to have boundaries with people, with all relationships, not just friendships or romantic relationships. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: All of them. 

STACY PHILLIPS: All of them. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Your rules and your regs for yourself. 

STACY PHILLIPS: Yeah, It's so important. Wow, these are so fantastic. And they're just coming in. Humor, patience, sincerity, empathy, and love. Creativity, balance, resilience, equality, and acceptance. These are good. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: And I want you guys today, it's going to be talk about it Tuesday. I had to think like what day it was. Write these values down. And I really want you to put them to the side. If you guys get into journaling, I'm not a super journaling person. I struggle sometimes and I'm working on it. 

But create your affirmation jar. Let things-- whatever's happened yesterday, let it be past. Let's focus on these values. Make sure you write them down. And you can give me another set. And then I'm going to move to the next one. Because I got something up my sleeve. 

STACY PHILLIPS: Well, I don't know which ones I did. Openness, vulnerability, emotional mental health, boundaries, and encouragement. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: All right, thank you guys for sharing your-- at least five values. Usually, I'll ask for seven. But just for time's sake, I'm just asking for five. And this is still the icebreaker. I didn't even get into the meat and potatoes. 

But I want you to think about those five values. And if you could keep just one value, what value would it be? Now, y'all gave some good, juicy ones. They were real good. And I gotta think about the ones that I listed down. Let me see which one. All right, so if you could come off mute or put in chat, and then Stacy can tell me a few of your one value that you selected. If you only could pick one of those five values, which one would it be? Jen Fischer. 

AUDIENCE: I'm always going to stick with love. Love's gotta come first. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Oh, Jenny on the block. You're so wonderful. We love you. 

STACY PHILLIPS: We've got love. Love is the big one that showed up. Love, love, love. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Love, love, love. And that's what we need. 

STACY PHILLIPS: Integrity. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: All we need Is love. 

STACY PHILLIPS: That's right. We've got discipline, patience, empathy, family, resilience. Yep, these are great. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: All right, so what did it feel like to have to get rid of something that you identify with? Was it hard? Was it easy to get rid of? I know I struggled. And I probably didn't share with you, time. 

I've been a real stickler on time being one value that I'm going to keep. And I mean, I know how I feel about love. But time, you do not get that back. But what does this say about the things that we value for ourselves. Yeah, these are things to think about. 

If you listed all those things, and you know that the way Stacy broke all of those different values down, one, we all resonated as kind of a collective, right? We felt like we had something, some type of experience of, yes, I feel the same way. Anybody have an answer? Was it hard to get rid of the value, the other four values. 

STACY PHILLIPS: As long as I have love and can give love, I can give up my other values. That's what Jen said. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: I love that. 

STACY PHILLIPS: And Shelia said it was a struggle. I was afraid to choose wrong. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: That's what I'm saying. 

STACY PHILLIPS: It's so hard. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: It's very hard. And think about just like Stacey mentioned, when we talk about boundaries. And setting those boundaries, and what you're going to put up with, what you're not, who you can be able to connect with, all that stuff plays a role. And as the song says, you walking it like you're talking it. 

So if you value a relationship, then how do you go about honoring that with some of the boundaries, and some of the things that you represent in your life? So getting rid of some of the values, I know it was hard, just like I thought it would be. 

Throwing out your values can sometimes feel like you're throwing away a piece of yourself. And this is what builds us. This is what builds our identities. So even if you think about our young adults and our babies that are growing up with their unique minds, they may lack socialization. They may lack being able to understand certain coping mechanisms or communication. 

We got to remember that. We can't-- we have to make sure that we're meeting our loved ones where we are. So at the end of the day, remember, how you behave in life is going to represent the values that you set. All right, was that a good activity, y'all, to get y'all warmed up? 

OK, so why social connections matter. According to our bullets here, we have social connections impact the mental, emotional, and physical health. Now, the parent support group that I'm currently running-- facilitating under the Color of Autism Foundation, starting January, I was focusing on doing the eight dimensions of wellness. 

And so far, we've done spiritual wellness. I think I did environmental wellness. I did do social wellness. And so if you're not familiar with the eight dimensions of wellness, Google it. It's pretty much talking about everything we do in life, it just interconnects and affects our health, and wellness, financial. 

If your pockets are broke, you're going to be feeling sad. So that's financial and emotional. Or you might be too sick to do something. So you guys get it. Strong relationships provide support. You hear that, strong relationships provide support. 

And it reduces the stress. You're smiling. You're happy. You're living life. And it supports and promotes resilience, being resilient. And I want you guys, we're going to talk a little bit about the difference of the weak support. 

You may have some people that's around you that are dusty. And they just need to go have a seat somewhere, OK, because they're not good for your soul. They're not good for your life. All right, we're going to talk a little bit about that. 

All right, so my question is to you, what's the number one key to a happy life? What do we think? Just one word. You can come off mute. Put it in the chat. 

STACY PHILLIPS: This is Stacy. I'm going to say balance. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: That's a good one. 

AUDIENCE: Hi, this is Monique. I'm going to say learning how to love yourself. I think learning how to love yourself first is definitely foundational. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Powerful as always, coming from my sister. Thank you, Mo. One more person or anything in the chat? 

STACY PHILLIPS: Accepting yourself as who you are. And there's rest is another one, which is a really good one. We forget about that. But yeah. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Yes, we gotta rest ourselves, our minds, our bodies, our souls, our persons. All right, so relationships, even with balance, Stacy, balancing relationships. Again, the decisions we make, the things we do, we don't do alone. It involves other people. 

With types of relationships, we're going to talk a little bit about that. But the theme that I heard is how to love yourself, how to really get into yourself. And that is so relationship with yourself. Because we come first. 

And I think that's a lot of times, when we're trying to do a lot of soul searching with our self-identity, we do get lost into pleasing other people. I know I wear my heart on my sleeve. And I feel good when I do stuff for other people, even though I might not do the same things for myself. Strange, right? And you ask yourself why. But yeah, relationships, relationships. 

There's no one wrong answer or anything like that. It's just this is the key to where we're going to go. So strong social connections and networks can boost a person's lifespan by 50%. When I see something like this, I know I'm a social person. Those that know me know that I'm outgoing. I'm always talking and laughing no matter if I'm hurting inside. 

But our loved ones that may not be able to verbally express or express in depth on how they're feeling, if they're feeling lonely, I know I often wonder what's going on in my daughter's mind. What is she thinking? Is she lonely? 

She's in her room by herself. She doesn't want to be with anyone. But there's other ways that she's social. But the fact that it's this 50%. If you think about it, it's very vital. And it's very important. 

That's why even as you get older and you become of age, there's social shrinkage. There's social isolation. The things that one once did, they either have a limited ability of doing it because of something physical or another reason. 

And so that's why, again, it's important to be able to take time to learn how to socialize. Because some people just don't know. They may not know. Any questions so far? Anything anyone wants to share? This is interactive. This is not webinar. We can talk. And it's no pressure. 

AUDIENCE: I just want to-- I just wanted to say real quick, last week, I was talking to a mom. And she has a son, one of my son's ages. And my one son is on the autism-- has a diagnosis on the autism spectrum. He's getting married in a month. We're very excited. 

But her loved one feels trying to have relationships isn't worth the risk. He would rather spend his free time by himself with his preferred activities than to risk trying to have a relationship with someone. And that's friends or a romantic relationship. So I just found that powerful that he could express in words that that's how he really feels. 

And he's also-- him and my son are the same age. So we talked about a lot of different things. But it really like stuck with me that that's-- he's enjoying his time with his preferred activities because it's just too big of a risk. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Jen, thank you for bringing that up. And thank you for sharing the story because it's a real thing. And a lot of times, I know as a parent myself, realizing I have to care and try to learn how to get tips and strategies to care for my daughter, who struggles in the socialization area. 

But I often hear parents now, and I think back, was I acting like this? Where they would talk about, it is important for socialization. But how do we know if that's really what our kids want, or what they need, or maybe whatever that looks like for them, because it's not comfortable for us? 

And I think a lot of times, it's natural feelings when you're going through the stages of emotion, when your loved one gets that diagnosis. And you just already start grieving. Oh my goodness, no friends. Oh my gosh, they're not going to know how to drive. And all these different things start flooding our minds and our hearts. 

And that's where that social-- that's where that support system is important, is vital to be able to talk to folks that understand the journey and understand what you're saying. But how can you know what your loved one can do when we have our own reservations and our feelings in the way? And things like that. So I'm not going to go on a tangent, but thank you for sharing that. Anybody else want to share or I'll keep on going? 

AUDIENCE: Yeah, Icylee, I just wanted to say that I have a set of twins and my twins are 15 now. And I think when my sons were first diagnosed, yes, I definitely got all of the negatives, all of the negatives. Not just from medical professionals, but from friends and family. 

And I think over the years, what happened, just like you, I had to develop a support team in trying to understand my sons. And now with the twins, I have one twin-- one thing that I want to say is our children are reflective of us. And I think sometimes when our children have been diagnosed with a neurodiversity, we automatically assume that their characteristics are-- we're not going to be able to identify or connect with. 

And just having a set of twins, I see a lot of myself in my twins. I have one twin that is very introverted. He prefers to only deal with his brother, almost to the point where he's like him and I are-- the two of them are going to live together for the rest of their lives. But the other twin is more social, is more outgoing. He wants to travel. He wants to drive. 

So in thinking about Khalil, which is the one that's more introverted, definitely, my heart was heavy because I wanted for him to be able to have those associations, not just to have friends, but to be able to have a better viewpoint in regards to how to deal with people in the community, and surroundings, and just how they would interact with him. So one of the things that eventually ended up happening by getting both of the twins involved in Unified Sports, and the Special Olympics, and things like that. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: I've seen the pictures. 

AUDIENCE: Slowly but surely, Khalil has developed this very articulate, kind of funny but sarcastic type of personality where everyone loves Khalil. And now, he's making friends. And he still has that touch and go, OK, I'm being overstimulated. This is enough. 

Or I just solely want to be with my brother. So as a parent, one of the things that I did is I had to look at myself and just some of the characteristics that I have, because whether our children are verbal or nonverbal, they still pick up on our behaviors and our vibrations in regards to how we deal with other people and how we deal with them. 

But it's definitely a journey that will continue up into their adulthood. I'm not going to say fearful, but it can be anxiety filled. Because now we're coming up to, prom, and junior prom, and dances, and things like that. So it's definitely a learning journey. And I'm grateful for it because it allows for me to be more open and understanding to other individuals in the community and allow for myself to also learn and grow. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Yes, thank you, Mo. That was so inspiring. And all of us need to hear that because again she-- you were able to identify the struggles with your one twin, the socialization. And then all of a sudden, however the connections went, he started being-- it's basically opportunities. 

And in the words from coming from the LifeCourse framework with the Vision for Equality, with the PA Family Network, experiences shape expectations. And expectations shape experiences. So our kids, if they don't have the opportunity to do things, how can they be able to make a choice, and things like that? So that's a good way to go. Thank you for sharing. 

All right, so which leads us to the next area of just breaking down. What do we see in this picture? It looks crazy, right? So our social lives require exercise. So many times, I hear people saying, OK what, remember, Jenny from back in elementary school, well, I ran into her. And we got together. 

And then all of a sudden, every time she says, let's go out, she keeps canceling. And then you start getting frustrated with Jenny. And you're like, I don't remember her acting like this back then. She is off the hook. 

So relationships are not going to take care of themselves. Once you find that social connection, and this is where it's probably tough with our kids who have unique minds, because those little social cues and knowing when to-- facial-- all those different types of things going on. But relationships are not going to take care of themselves. 

OK, you must put the work in. Do you guys hear that? You must put that work in. You got to do a check in. And so I know life be lifing. And one of the things I can say that, I have same kind of experience as most of you guys are on the line is when our kids got diagnosed, I lost family and friends. 

I don't know about you guys. And maybe some of you guys may still be struggling to disclose-- or share about your loved one's diagnosis with the rest of the family or your friends. And so for us, it's a little bit different. We want to maintain those healthy relationships, whether it's romantic, or platonic, or friends, family. We want to maintain it just like nothing ever happened. Everything be perfect. 

But in a perfect world, when that diagnosis comes ringing down, it's almost like it is-- it's The Blob or something. It's like, oh, what is that? What is autism. What is IDD? What is that? I know that I get lonely a lot. And I got a lot of friends. And most of you guys know me. But it's like you're dealing with double grief. 

I'm hurting for myself because nobody comes around. I see families having birthday parties. My child loves birthday parties. And those that know her know she loves to get dressed up. There's nothing for her to put it on and go. So I'm hurting for myself and I'm hurting for my daughter as far as the unknown. 

Now, what do you guys think about this? Because this is important, again, you could meet somebody, but what's my saying has been? Things ain't the same. This is we living in a different era. We're living in different times. 

And so think about it, if you think about this, is this ring true to you guys? Is there anything in the chat? Think about the people that are around you. This is where we're going to start seeing where we tighten up the loose ends. 

AUDIENCE: Icylee, you are definitely-- we are always on the same vibration. Regardless to how near or far we are from one another, and for me, definitely, definitely. I have a set of twins and I have a t-shirt that says I had my twins before Beyonce. So we don't talk about in vitro. Nothing's wrong with it. But I had my twins before Beyonce. 

So with that being said, I was uber ecstatic about wearing identical clothes and birth certificates-- I'm sorry, not birth certificate, but birthday parties. And just looking forward to all of the camaraderie, and the family, and just celebrating the fact that we have twins, the first set of twins in the family. 

And when the boys were diagnosed, and I'm always transparent, my husband at the time, my ex-husband now, had a very defeatist type attitude. And every time it came to show up for a therapy, or an IEP meeting, or a doctor's appointment, essentially, I was there by myself. 

And being one of-- I'm going to say, one of the first people in my community that had an autistic child. I have children, adult children that are 30 and 35. So essentially, I had to relearn everything that was kind of like pre-programmed as far as my daughters. But with my sons, it was a totally different dynamic. 

Individuals were not open. They weren't inviting. And if they had questions, they weren't inclined to ask questions because of whatever behaviors that they saw or they interpreted that they didn't understand. 

So it took a very long time. And still to this point, I've made a lot of professional relationships with individuals in regards to neurodiversities and children on the spectrum. And as far as individuals who have children that are on the spectrum, slow and steady. Because it's definitely a journey. And other individuals have concerns for their children, and time frames, and things like that. 

But essentially, I agree. It has been very lonely. And just trying to overcome that because having a child that has any type of neurodiversity, people don't understand that it's not something that you can just jump up and say, OK, well, we're doing this now. Or we're going here now. Or we're taking-- there are steps. 

And a lot of individuals, will skip steps when those steps are definitely essential to our children. So it may take me a little bit longer. We may not get there. It may start at 3 o'clock. We may not get there until 3:45. And it's not intentional. But being able to be open and more understanding of the climate and the individuals that you're dealing with. 

I think now, people are starting to be more open. But at the same time, you and I, we've been on this journey 15, 16 years. So it's good that things are starting to change. But essentially, yes, that loneliness and not really being able to communicate with people on a way where they can understand our concerns or when we're venting, because that's also a very real part of it. 

So being able to find those venues, being able to-- I had a therapist, I needed a therapist. I had a therapist for some other things that were going on in my life. But being able to navigate this, and I'm going to say as a second time mom, because my daughters are grown, was a different dynamic for me. 

And being able to talk about it unleashed, if you will, and be able to have support from another individual is essential. I think it's essential to our growth. It's essential to our health and well-being, and I think to be able to carry on and continue to advocate for our children and others is an essential part of it. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: And I'm going to wrap it up in a bow for you because you know how we connected, over the years as moms trying to figure it out. And you needed resources, I was able to help. And even though we don't see each other amongst a couple of other-- 

AUDIENCE: I feel you boo. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: So those are the relationships that you know that we admire and that are meaningful. So thank you so much for that. 

AUDIENCE: Thank you. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: All right, so yeah, thank you, Mo. I mean, this is something to think about. Because if anything, with the way that things are going on, it's definitely time to put in some work. So when we talk about exercise and all these things, we're talking about social fitness. When we talk about putting in the work, just like we working out, social fitness requires taking stock of our own relationships and being honest with ourselves about where we are devoting our time. 

See why I chose time as my value, and whether we are-- we are tending to the connections that help us thrive. Do you have a bunch of dead weight around you? Because it is time to trim it off. It's spring time. We getting ready to go into barbecue season. 

And we getting ready to get the babies ready for camp and school. And next thing, you think about the holiday. So we all-- potty training is one of the things that I do. I help families. And Jen does too. But we have so much going on in our life. We gotta look to see who's in our circle. 

Oops, sorry. So every time I do that, so that's just the website. Well, it keeps doing it, sorry. All right, try this one more time. 

AUDIENCE: Oh, you're going to have to stop-- you may have to stop sharing your screen. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Yeah, I think that's right. Because-- pardon me, guys, I have to stop. Yeah, I think I embedded another link in it. It kept taking me to-- all right, here we go. Sorry about the delay. All right, we see it? Are you able to see the screen, guys? 

STACY PHILLIPS: We see it. But it has the gray boxes. Oh, wait, one of them just disappeared. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Is everything gone? 

STACY PHILLIPS: No, the top gray bar is there, though. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: That wasn't there before. 

STACY PHILLIPS: Now it's at the bottom. It disappeared at the top. Oh. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Yeah, I don't know what happened. 

STACY PHILLIPS: Technology either loves us or hates us. Friend and foe. Thanks for your patience, everybody. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Yes, thank you. It's still at the bottom? 

AUDIENCE: There's one at the bottom. And then the others, two small ones at the top The top ones are gone. Maybe just keep going with the one at the bottom. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: The co-host thing. I don't know why-- Oh, well. 

STACY PHILLIPS: Well, we can see most of the slide. There's just a small area at the bottom. So as long as you're reading what it says, it's better now. It moved over. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Is that gone? 

STACY PHILLIPS: The side. It's up. Oh, now it moved. And it's smaller in the middle. It's better. It's gone. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Yeah, because it was-- 

STACY PHILLIPS: Success. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: OK, sorry, y'all. All right, so social fitness, so again, relationships require work in just maintaining them. As people have their own experiences and their own baggage, you ever connect with someone that just either just calls you to say-- they just vomit and just start telling you everything without coming up for air? 

I mean, after a while, I had to really-- it started affecting me emotionally. Where I'm like, I don't do that to people. I have boundaries, where I have my understandings of I don't go and just start telling people my problems. And I'm trying to be mindful in creating those boundaries. I wouldn't want nobody to do that to me. 

So I had to cut a couple people off. So just like physical health, it requires careful, careful need in approaching who you're going to have around you. Making sure you're available and present. And every time I need something, Jen's like, Ice, I can take care of it. Don't worry about it. And then I can just inhale and exhale without even thinking of all the things that could go wrong when I know I have my support system. 

And quality over quantity. It's not about the numbers on how many Facebook friends you got on Instagram or whatever you want to call the social media stuff. Some people get caught up in that stuff. And it's just not-- it doesn't matter. It's about who cares about you, who is going to be sustainable in your life and valuable. 

So the importance of relationships and support systems. So we're going to get a little bit about that. So your social supports is the physical and emotional comfort given to you by your family, friends, co-workers, and others. It's knowing that you're a part of a community of people who love and care for you, and value you, and think well of you. 

I know earlier when I had asked you guys to identify your values and what's one thing that you want for your life, things like that, a lot of you guys said love and community, things like that. So I want you guys to start thinking about this, again, we're thinking about our social supports and what that looks like. Are there people in your life that you can turn to in a time of need? 

I know one wonderful connection that I made, when my refrigerator went down, my stove went down within two years. And the same individual said there's some funds to the side from a sibling that passed away and that had that there for emergency, just in case families need something. And I was able to get support for that person for fridge and a stove. 

I remember the Thanksgiving I didn't have-- I couldn't use-- I didn't have any gas. I couldn't cook. And my daughter does culinary arts. She loves to cook. So that's one of the skills. And when their routine is off, that's it. I'm like, well, what am I going to do? How am I going to explain? Again, we're put on this Earth not to be by ourselves. 

You can reach out when something's jacked up in your basement. I remember a hot water tank went, I think I called one of my social connections. They were, oh, yeah, let me send somebody up. This person was trying to charge me $6,500 for-- they said I needed a whole new stove-- I mean, I'm sorry, a heater, boiler where I called a trusted friend. And they were able to send me, somebody, said, oh, it's a $30 part. 

All you need is an igniter. Talking about somebody looking out, and honesty, honesty is another value. And that's who I would want around me. All those different things, so think about it. Who is your support system? And if you don't have one, then you've got to find one because it's vital. 

So the difference between a strong support system and the weak support system is your life. All right, so those folks that are going to uplift you, offer you support. Make you feel valued, like some of these ladies here. When I feel a little nervous or I feel like I'm not confident, they will send me, they will check on me, give me words of wisdom. And then I'm right back at it because we all need that. 

But if you have somebody that is a weak support, that's draining, that just wants to call to be newsy, they see something on Facebook, and they be like, child, what happened? I want the tea on it. No, I could do without people like that. Because right now, I just want to make sure that I'm focusing on my daughter, that she has everyday life, a good day every day. I don't want to sit here and gossip. 

They can cause stress or isolation. Yeah, it's to the point where I'm in the house sometimes because I'm like, I don't want to be bothered by certain situations. And that trust, who do you trust? Who's reliable? I can count on my hand, and I can rely on a lot of people. And some I can't. 

So I want to talk to you guys about the seven keystones to your relationships, the supports for your relationships. Now, if you ever heard of the keystones, get to know them now, because I'm going to show you an activity-- or a tool, rather, that you can use. 

All right, safety and community? Was there any questions at all? Do we need to share anything? Just checking. 

AUDIENCE: Go through that every day. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: I know that's right. All right, so number one, safety and security. Think about who is in your social circle. And who is in your support system that you have a relationship with, you can rely on, you could call in the middle of the night when things go off, go down? 

Who can you call? Do you have that support system where if anything took place that you have a safety word, or if it's a neighbor or someone that if something takes place on your block, on your street, in your neighborhood, is there a local place that you guys all meet up if a fire breaks out? Who do you have that mutual understanding with? 

Think about it. Learning and growth, number two. Who encourages you to try new things? Always trying to stimulate your mind, think outside the box. Because sometimes, we can get a habit of being in our own routine and maybe fear of trying new things, where your support system may see a strength that they identify in you. And they say, I think you would do well with that. 

Emotional closeness and confiding, who can you call on when you need to be honest about things? Who can you confide in without taking and running to the next person on what happened next, or especially about your kids? Bad enough, it's hard to be able to call someone where they don't understand the whole language of oh, he's escripting. And he's flapping, and rocking, and overstim-- all those terms, we kind of tend to understand, whereas though other people may not understand it. But who does get you? 

Number four, identifying an-- excuse me-- affirmation and shared experience. Who is in your life that you can be able to share some of your experiences with, especially in this journey? I remember my daughter would tantrum so much, I didn't want to be seen with her in public. And I still struggle today. And she's fine. 

But just that trauma, there's layers of the onions that people share. Jen and I or Monique, we can sit here and say, I remember when I went through these things. You have to build up some type of trust where you can be able to support each other in that. 

Number five, your romantic intimacy. That's a whole area of being able to really look. What is your why? Do you feel like you should be involved with someone? And building that relationship, is it a healthy relationship? 

Number six, help, both informational and practical. Who do you turn to when you need some type of-- to do some problem solving? I think that this actually falls with our kids sometimes because just socially, they may not be able to understand this. Socially, oh, it's good to have friends. But they'll utilize us to get whatever they need. 

When my daughter texted me when she comes in, and she needs to log in for the Wi-Fi code, and it's just like, oh man, you can't even say hi, and how's your day? But you can ask, ready to get on the internet. So she's just doing what she got to do, which is OK. We have an understanding. 

Number seven, fun and relaxation. Who is your support system that you can go hang with, get some cocktails, put your toes in the sand with? Just really kick it, hit it on the road, right? Seven things, I'm quite sure there's many more to this list. But I want you guys to think about it. So we have these seven. 

Sources of supports, so these are the seven social relationships, the areas of supports in your life. We just went over all seven. All right, and I'll explain on how to do it. So you think about, in the first column, my relationship with-- and so these are just some examples, mother, father, brother, sister, auntie, uncle. 

And so in the first column, you would state whoever that is, that you consider your relationship with. And then you would take those seven sources of supports where you would place a plus symbol in the appropriate column if a relationship seems to add the support in your life. Or if it's not adding anything in your life, then you put a minus, OK, whatever that situation looks like. 

And the minus doesn't have to be a negative thing. Sometimes, I don't want you-- when you're doing this, using this tool, I don't want you to get caught up with, well, they're not doing nothing for me type of thing. It might say, for example, romantic intimacy, I'm not going to have that for my mom and my father. 

But my mom, I have a plus there for fun and relaxation. When she lives in Virginia, I'm in Pennsylvania. When I do connect with her, we have a lot of fun. Now, my dad, he lives in Georgia. I haven't seen my dad since, it's probably my daughter was born, maybe one time, twice, 2013. It's been a long time, y'all. 

So I mean, I can't really consider that as a fun relaxation. But I can depend on him to learn. We always talk on the phone. He's always giving me some knowledge and things like that. Safety, security, I'm just, you guys, so have you used a tool like this before? Does this look familiar? Maybe some of my professional friends have seen this. 

STACY PHILLIPS: Anyone want to share. Please feel free. There is a comment in the chat that's from Sunny that says, love this explicit way to inventory needs. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Yes, I love that. 

STACY PHILLIPS: And Emily said, I've not seen it. But I love it. And I agree. I really like it as well. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Yes, transition complex. I saw Al Condeluci several times when he talked about social fitness. I was just so fascinated. And I know when this particular presenter, when he talks about social fitness, social capital, rather, it talks think about your kids when they're in the school setting. 

Do they really have friends? Or are they just kind of parallel with the kids that are in the school? But what happens after they graduate, and they grow, and they move on? Then the social shrinkage, the social circle is already small as it is. But then what does that look like? And how can they be able to have a everyday life and navigate through the world in the community for people to get to know them and so on and so forth? 

Yes, they have us as a support. But we may not be here as their parents. And we know that time will come. And that's why I want to talk to you guys about really, really identifying who is a weak person and who is a strong person in your life? Because we don't have time. The world is changing. 

So this tool is cool. I've been using it since I had came across it. But it's OK if most of the relationships, they don't offer certain things. But this is a good start. It's spring cleaning. It's time to clean, and open the windows, and get some of those negative supports out of your life. 

So think of it as an exercise. Think of that exercise just like an X-ray, a tool that helps you see below the surface of your social universe. Now the term social universe I thought was so cool. I wanted to make sure I shared it with you guys. 

A social universe refers to a broader social context and environment in which individuals exist, encompassing relationships, social networks, and interactions within society. So a social support system within this universe is the network of people just like your friends, your family, your colleagues, et cetera, who provide assistance. 

They give you empathy and resources during the time of challenge and need. I can be able to look at that definition of social universe and be able to really hone in. I kind of got a glimpse of different things that happened throughout the ages and stages of my daughter's life and her development. And it kind of wrapped up like, wow, that's why I'm so happy with the village that I have. 

Because if it wasn't for the village that I had, that I met and asked questions and got resources from, my daughter would not have been-- we wouldn't be successful today. So not all of these types of supports will feel important. But ask yourself, who's going to be-- what's important in what area? Who is your support system? What does that look like? 

OK, so when you see the chart, it makes you realize, you know what? I got work to do. So just go on to the other slide. Remember how I said that? Relationships require work. So if I look at it with my father, saying, you know what? Oh, he might not be-- I haven't seen him in years. 

How can I be able to keep this relationship tight with him? Let me put some work in. Let me get some social fitness going on and say, hey, maybe we can schedule a weekly FaceTime. Or let's do a video chat since I'm not in person, almost like a replacement behavior. Thinking of ways to build things better. We got technology. COVID, everybody was locked down. We found ways to be able to still keep together in harmony in a time of craziness, right? All right. 

So we all may have seen the whole iceberg model. In this case, I have the iceberg model. It shows when it comes down to your social supports. And so we know when you're dealing with an iceberg, at the top of the iceberg is where we see everything and assume certain things. But underneath the iceberg, there's so much that lies on the reason why people's behaviors and people roll the way they do. So in this case-- go ahead. 

STACY PHILLIPS: Sorry. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: No, don't apologize. 

STACY PHILLIPS: There's a question. Where can I get this chart. I don't know if it was this one with the keystones, with the iceberg, or the one before. But Casey asked where can they get these charts. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: OK, so the social supports, like that one like this, I mean, I honestly, well, I'm showing you in here that I made my own. 

STACY PHILLIPS: What about the other one with the plus signs? 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Oh, I actually created I took a crop-- that's what I'm saying, with technology, I took and cropped it. And I added the plus and minus just to show you guys, for example. But if you are utilizing a Word or an Excel spreadsheet, and I or Stacy, we can help you. We're not going to turn anybody away if you need help. But yeah, just to fill out the fields in the cells. It's just easy like that. But if you need any support, let me know. 

STACY PHILLIPS: Great. And we will have access to the slides, which we will send out to everyone that participated today once the session is over. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: All right, thank you. All right, so as I was mentioning, so for example, for this iceberg, at the top, you see practical help, emotional comfort. All right, so some examples are if you need a ride, you need to run a food errand, or childcare. Emotional comfort, giving that empathy and that encouragement, things that I already mentioned. 

But underneath that iceberg, what drives the behaviors? What drives this? Information sharing, giving advice and resources. Trust, remember I talked about values? How can you move around without really identifying your values? 

And when you identify your values, you're building your boundaries along with your beliefs. And you're able to have the people around you that you feel as though that that's healthy for you to have that support. Shared identity and sense of belonging, feeling connected by shared experiences, and cultures, and goals. 

All right, so think of some of the sameness. We might like the same artist. We might like the same food mutual reciprocity, so it's a two-way street. So many times, we've been on, even both ends, but the end of just always people with their hands out. You guys are always calling me up for this. 

But when it came time for me where I needed someone to watch my daughter while I went back to college, I had to end up dropping out of school because I didn't have anybody to watch her because they were afraid of autism. And so that's discouraging. So what I had to do? I had to go out, network, meet new friends, people that got it, people that wouldn't judge me. People that are looking out for my emotional safety. 

So social support systems, numerous studies have shown that positive health benefits of maintaining a network of strong social relationships, specifically people who can count on for tangible, emotional, informational support during this difficult time. People with these types of social supports have a decreased risk of all mortality and lower rates of anxiety, depression, and loneliness. 

So wrap it in a bow, the people that you count on, everybody might not be able to provide you with all the supports that we identify in rough times. So I know I can lean on this person when times are rough or whatever the case, I know I can get a ride from this-- you know what I'm saying? 

So you're-- being able to build those social networks, building the support systems can minimize some of the anxiety and stress, take away from that. So the bottom line is this especially important if you suffer from a chronic illness, an autoimmune disease. 

Some people may need that support. I know that when I had a hysterectomy a couple of years ago, my girl Jen got right on and started working on a meals on wheels type of situation. Where it was all hands on deck. We're going to raise some money up to make sure that my sis is-- she has food when she gets home. Her daughter has food. 

And so that's what I'm talking about, where I'm like stressing out. Oh my god, I'm away from my daughter all these days having surgery, out of it. Having, relying on those supports are important. So whether you choose something out of a new relationship, make sure that it's matching your energy, and it's aligned with what's making you your physical and your mental health in a positive way. 

But you got to consider, it ain't about you. It's about other people as well. So we're going to talk a little bit about emotional support, instrumental, or tangible support, informational support, and companionship. And stop me anytime if you guys have any questions. I know that we had the technology little delay there. 

So emotional support, this is the definition of emotional support. But before I go on, does anybody have any questions? Is this making sense? Is it giving you something really to think about? I know a lot of times we get so caught up with talking about stuff for our kids, this is for everyone. But this is really for who's caring for the caregiver? Who's caring for us? Who's giving us the tools to be able to navigate, so we can get through every day? So it's important for you guys to know that. 

OK, so emotional support is defined as support from another person that is emotional or can help you feel better. It can be in the form of empathy or compassion. Some behavioral examples, and these are some of that's listed under emotional support. Somebody that's going to listen, somebody that's going to be showing their concern, not just calling to be newsy. 

What happened? I've heard such and such died because-- didn't they? Get off my phone. Being trustworthy and dependable, being accepted and non-judgmental. And that is the theme of most of our lives with supporting our loved ones with unique minds. Offering encouragement and motivation, especially when times are hard. You feel like your child's behaviors are perfect. 

Everything's been going well. And then they start regressing and something sets them back, and you feel like you know what? I just-- whatever. And so sometimes, you may need that ear like, listen, you're doing a great job, giving us some positive encouragement, motivation. Building self-confidence, and that's, a lot of times, what we lack. And I know that when our kids receive that diagnosis, our confidence is already down there. 

Because now, you're giving me clinical language. I'm not understanding DSM what? Nobody's asking me how I'm doing. And what can I do to support you with things? So in order for you to build that self confidence, you got to have the confident people around you. And then reassuring, showing affection, and warmth. 

If you want in the chat, you can put it in the chat, on who do you see as an emotional support? I'm already going to say my mom. Because that's-- and I didn't grow up with my mom. Didn't grow up with her. But we talk every day like we're best friends. 

I love building and getting to know her. Building on things I don't know. And getting advice and support about things she hasn't experienced of being a mom. Those are the kind of things I enjoy. So that was emotional. 

Tangible supports, so tangible supports is defined as support from another person that's more physical, concrete, or practical. And so of these are some examples. People that are doing favors, or financial assistance. 

I noticed tax time has passed. Some people may have needed support with trying to fill certain things out. Relying on any type of services, now, that's a huge one because our kids are pretty much in the educational system. And they're in the medical system. So we have to rely on maybe some other parents that say, hey, you know what? How was your experience with that? 

Or can you support me? Because I want to look into getting the same services for my child. Making connections with other people. I'm a-- everybody's not a people person. And so one of the huge-- I don't want to call it a pet peeve, but I know that when-- about the diagnosis, I had so many people that would come to me and say, I need help with this. 

And then maybe I've told them the same thing over and over again. And then I realized, certain people are just not going to get past kind of participating and doing things on their own. So you try to model, you try to assist, but not do. Because anyone now, I had to learn the hard way of not making sure that my personal boundaries was just kind of bleeding into my therapeutic work boundaries. 

And it's just like, oh, call me anytime. No, I got-- I'm done at five. So I had to learn because my heart was-- OK, your heart. But you still gotta do what you gotta do to take care of yourself. So make sure that if you need help with making connections, put your pride to the side and say something. 

Come to some of our parent cafes at Philly Fam Village. It's great way of helping with active listening. Coach or someone to prepare a pitch or review a business plan, those are tangible. So I know I can't rely on my mom for some of these things. But so that's why using that chart is good to know who you can rely on. 

All right, so we got an informational support. So informational support is defined as support in the form of providing information. All right, some examples, giving advice, giving your knowledge, like the things I'm doing today. I'm sharing my lived experience. I do have a bachelor's degree and associate's. 

And I don't get too much into all of those letters and things because I've been told, oh, you're just a parent. So I had to get my confidence up to say, this parent knows some things. Don't get it twisted. But who's that informational support? 

I feel like I'm an informational support for other people if they might have questions. Or I know you work with kids with autism, or you have a child with autism, you may have a question or they need a resource. Help with developing plans to achieve goals. I'm all about goal setting, even though I need to work on myself, I love talking about many goals and having the motto for parents, and caregivers, or loved ones that are caring for our babies, how would you know what your child can do when you're busy doing everything? 

Generalization, all moments are teaching moments. Color, shapes, and numbers, so you have everything you need to take care of your child. Sometimes you get bent out of shape if the therapists don't come. You're your child's first teacher. So I'm always encouraging that for families and whoever is supporting. And time management, that's a whole 'nother story that I know that is on my forever SMART goals. 

And then lastly, companionship support. All right, there's a lot of supports. I hope this is having your mind kind of thinking like, who falls where? And what supports? So this is defined as someone spending time doing fun things. So you're hanging out, going to Happy Hour, getting to the movies, going to see a live band. 

You just enjoy each other's company. Going to conferences, and we look forward to connecting with our other parents and families. I know to be able to have these things and be kind to ourselves. I know one thing, you guys probably can look in that calendar of yours, and maybe most of y'all, I mean, I'm not speaking for everyone. 

But I bet you it's jammed up with all kinds of stuff that you got to do for you, your child, your family, da da da. But where's the time carved out for your fun? OK, where's the time carved out for you to go window shopping with your girlfriend, or your-- or your buddies? 

All right, so as I mentioned earlier with the supports chart, I created this on my own. But I copied and pasted, just for the presentation sake, of the seven examples of the supports. So I put my mom, my brother, my father, my partner. But in this case, my mom, as you see, safety and security, learning and growing, emotional closeness, and confiding. Yes, she's a plus in all of those areas. Identifying and affirming shared experience here. 

So I put N/A for romantic intimacy, of course. I got a plus across the board from her because she is all of the above. And I think, again, I didn't grow up with her. But it's like the time that I shared with her, it feels like I've known her all my life. And she has been in my life all my life because that's the type of relationship that we continue to have. 

All right, my father, I put a plus on safety and security. I know he don't want to see anything harm done to me or my family, learning and growing. I feel like learning and growing because we have, again, conversations about certain things. He's been in the service. 

So he's able to talk about being in Deutschland, being in Germany, being Luxembourg, being in Italy. And I just hear the war stories. And I just-- not war story, but I just be hearing, sitting back, just listening, just so fascinated with things. But at the same time, where's the growth? I'm not physically with him. It's more of a check in. Hey, just checking in, just checking in. But I love what we have. 

Emotional closeness, I know him not to be a super mushy guy. I don't really know much else. But I can share things with him, but not like my mom. Identity affirmation and shared experiences, yes, right now, he's really learning more about autism through me. And now, he's seeing, certain things on the news that are misconceptions. And he's calling me and asking me now. 

He is a part of the-- a certain party that he kind of got caught up with. But now, he sees that some of the things may be affecting services of certain decisions. And he's reaching out and asking me like, wow, I didn't-- yes, so we're building the relationship. It takes work. It takes both people. And you guys pretty much get the drift. 

So this is one I just created on I think either a Word document or Excel, I'm not sure which. So these are just some examples. So just emotional connections, strong relationships provide emotional stability and improve overall mental health. 

All right, we are all going to need it. We all going to need some good people by our sides right now. Practical assistance, support systems offering practical help during the times of need and community involvement. Engaging in community activities fosters a sense of belonging and reduces loneliness. 

So I know that was one of the things we felt, we don't want to be lonely. So what do we need to do? This is all about holding ourselves accountable. Me too. Because everything that I put my heart into this presentation is I'm trying to work on myself because I realized that I need my people. I need my village. I need my support systems. And I need them close. 

This. I love this little-- where are they going, y'all? They walking. How do you strengthen up the social connections? Just was wondering. So you're investing time in meaningful relationships. By that time, you've had your chart filled up with negatives. And say, no offense, I'm moving on. 

You might have to just break the news. Right now, I'm recalibrating my life. It's no offense to anybody. Real people should not take it personal if you choose to step back, to take care of yourself because you come first. And that's one of the things when you talk about a couple of you guys are self-identifying, struggling with self. Work on yourself. I'm trying to work on myself. 

Join some groups. Hang out. Reconnect with-- well, the reconnecting with people, that right there, I will put the caution up. Because again, just because you knew somebody from 1905 does not mean that they are the same people. They may be into some other risky behavior things. So that's why it's important as using your time. 

Setting boundaries, like I just was saying, unhealthy relationships, uncool. And if you may not realize that you are in an unhealthy relationship, being able to have some of your good support systems to confide in, like we talked about, the different areas of support to talk about those things and maybe seek EAP through your job or get some type of therapy. 

And be a source for other people. I tell folks all the time, I used to always look for people that had older kids than mine, so that way I could learn. And then I also realized that some of those people that had older kids on the autism spectrum and with IDD, some folks have shared that they really don't want to be a mentor or a support because they have gone through so much emotionally with the diagnosis that they don't want to dig up any old bones, per se. And I respect that. So we got to be mindful of not pressing people whatever they've gone through in their life, they're not ready. 

So lastly, 10 strategies on how to improve your social support network. So, number one, don't be afraid to take social risks, seeking out new people. I'm a people person. I love it. So anytime I get a chance to meet folks, I'm always-- you guys know me. I'm always running my mouth. 

So at gatherings, conferences, it's the follow through. So I want to be able to charge you guys. If you're thinking about your values, if you're going to utilize this technique, or this activity, or tool, make sure that you are ready to really sit down. Talk to your family about it. I think it's just so important to have everybody on the same page. 

Number two, get more support-- it says get more from the support you have. It's easy to assume other people know what you need. Just because you're friends with them don't mean-- we are not mind readers. Because you're going to be sitting there looking crazy and assuming-- and assuming will get you nowhere. 

All right, so just be careful on overwhelming folks with what you're going through and being mindful. And I like that word that Stacy used earlier with balance. Picking and choosing battles. Think about those things. 

Number three, reach out. Ask people you know, do they need help? Help with networking. If you have anything to support someone. If you don't know, all the time, Jen, somebody's talking about early intervention stuff. I mean, boom, boom boom, here you go. 

I delegate. I'm the networker. I might not be able to go to an IEP meeting, but I'll tell you one thing, I will make that parent feel good just by asking them how they feel. That's my specialty. Everybody has their specialties. But it's all of network. OK, number four, create new opportunities. OK, go ahead, anybody? Question? 

STACY PHILLIPS: Did you have a question? That's OK. Someone unmuted. I was trying to figure out. Lynn, did you have a question? No, OK. 

AUDIENCE: No, no, no, no. I'm sorry. 

STACY PHILLIPS: That's OK. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: That's all right. We just want to make sure you're all right. 

STACY PHILLIPS: You're fine. You're fine. Ashley, did you have a question? It's OK if you don't, we're going to move on. But if you do, please feel free, guys. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Thank you. All right, so create new opportunities. So think of ways that you can be involved and to be able to get out. It was one mom that I was connected with recently. She has a son on the spectrum. And she saw an opportunity to learn and wanted to know more about the autism journey. And asked to go with me to a conference. 

And she became a part of another organization, and agency, and spread the wings. That's what I'm talking about, meeting new people and guiding them to say, hey, listen, you may be-- we going through the same thing. But come to the village. We got your back. 

Number five, let go of unhealthy ties. I don't even have to tell you guys that because we gotta walk away. And my girl know. I know you went through a lot. We all have gone through a lot. Still going through some things. OK, if you're struggling, please, do not judge the-- or stay away from the ones that are judging when you're trying to better yourself. Try to stay away from all that negative energy. 

All right, number six, make a plan. Figure out who's going to support you with certain things. It's all right to start asking, listen, we done know each other for 20 years, I have a child with special needs now. So I just want to check in on our situation, our friendship. Are you afraid of autism? 

Sometimes, you may have to ask these questions because you need-- it's like, listen, just like the job interviews. Just like the NFL draft, like poor Shedeur. But it's just checking the boxes. Because if you're not flowing with what I need for myself to maintain my healthy life, mind, body, and soul, then mmm-mmm. Sorry, I gotta keep on going. 

Be a joiner, be patient, avoid negative relationships, and take care of your relationships. Like I said, it requires work. And it's not going to work itself. All right, so social connections are essential for well-being. Strong diverse supports network improve resilience. And invest in your relationships. Seek out positive connections. 

And lastly, I know all my bars are coming up. Social capital or social networks have value at the individual level. So it starts with us. And at the community level and the societal level, so you got your micro and macro levels. Strong and weak ties are both important, 

Because they connect individuals to valuable resources like information and opportunities. They also help foster trust and provide the glue, which facilitates cooperation, exchange, and innovation. And on that note, I am finished. I'm sorry for the technical difficulties. 

STACY PHILLIPS: You don't need to apologize. We have no control over some of those things. So that is fine. Thank you so much. I love your slides. I really do think that they're really engaging. And everything was very easy to understand. 

At this time, if anyone has questions, please ask. We will definitely make sure that you get the slides. Icy, you'll share them with me, I'm guessing, like a PDF version of the Canva? 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Yes, you're one of my social connections. Yes, I trust you. 

STACY PHILLIPS: Yeah, we will get those out to you. In the chat, my colleague Jonathan just dropped the link. Thank you, sir, because I always forget to do that. There is a brief evaluation in the chat, if you wouldn't mind filling that out. You're getting lots of love in here. This was so helpful. It was so informative. I'd like to open it up, if anybody has questions or comments that they want to make. And thank you so much. 

ICYLEE BASKETBILL: Wow, I see a lot of people.